she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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