I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
