Apparently you make a good broom.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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