ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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