Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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