We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
