The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
