Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He felt like a one man threesome
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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