At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
