The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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