When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
