If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
