hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
