Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
