My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
