do herpes really smell.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
