woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
