i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
