I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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