She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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