trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
