Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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