Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize