Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
