i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
