i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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