You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he fucked my hip out of place.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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