I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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