How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
