I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
