Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
