I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
