god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
