hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
