I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
