you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize