I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
