I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
