Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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