just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
