I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
