"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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