"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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