I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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