She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
