Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize