Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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