hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
