My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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