dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
