Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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