I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
