if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
