It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
