I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My ATM looks so different sober.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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