They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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