he thought i was a dude.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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