I wish I could punch you in the face.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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