I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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