hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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