Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
