remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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