I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
never play flip cup with pint glasses
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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