Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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