This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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