Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
worst night to have a conscience
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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