Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
