That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
