Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
