This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
