Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
