Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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