His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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