I love black thongs
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're like the curious george of whores
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize