Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
