I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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