I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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