so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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